The way you rise up to your battles is linked to the kind of warrior you believe you are.
Recently, I was presented with an opportunity to participate in a panel discussion on social media, and I must admit, I almost declined.
The mere thought of this event triggered a wave of self-doubt. Nagging thoughts plagued me: What if I stutter? Forget my train of thought?
And then there was that lingering doubt. It came as a whisper, questioning my worth: Who would genuinely be interested in hearing my perspective? What knowledge do I truly possess that holds value?
Inspired by both my recent panel invitation and a thought-provoking podcast episode by Jenna Kutcher, I decided to delve deeper into the realms of self-confidence, aiming to unearth the root causes that underlie our struggles.
THE INFLUENCE OF OUR SELF BELIEFS
It is undeniable that our beliefs about ourselves wield significant power, influencing the way we present ourselves in various facets of life. From our professional endeavors to our personal relationships, even down to the internal dialogue within our own minds, these beliefs shape our overall outlook and behavior. Our confidence is absolutely intertwined with our sense of success and peace.
Today we will dive into three powerful strategies designed to rewire our internal dialogue, recognizing the direct impact it has on our confidence. We will shed light on the fact that these unhelpful thoughts hold no value and hinder our personal growth. By implementing these strategies, we can actively transform our inner narrative, paving the way for a more empowering and self-assured mindset. Together, we will cultivate unwavering confidence.
REWIRING OUR BELIEF IN OURSELVES
You have probably heard the phrase, “You are not your thoughts.” But this concept can be challenging to internalize when our minds are constantly racing.
It is vital to remind ourselves that our mindsets are not fixed or permanent. We possess the incredible capacity to change, evolve, and grow throughout our lives. As I often say, think of a flower. If we are not actively growing, we’re dying. The current belief that we have for ourselves isn’t the final destination. So take a deep breath and breathe a sigh of relief.
Everyone has aspects about themselves that they wish they could change, or even a persistent pattern of negative self-talk that can seem unshakable. I have come to understand that these thoughts are a normal part of being human. However, it doesn’t mean we have to live in that space or with those thoughts forever. Rewiring our belief in ourselves requires consistent effort and a conscious choice daily.
Before we dive into these practical tips, I invite you to pause and ask yourself, when was the last time you really considered how you feel about yourself? It’s so easy to think about our actions, our achievements, what we create, or what we think we’re supposed to be doing, being, or becoming. In a world where we’re running to the next showing, where busy is a badge of honor or we’re left feeling guilty that we’re not busy; it’s important to pause to let our feelings and beliefs come back into focus.
UNRAVELING THE STORIES WE TELL OURSELVES
You see, our brain likes to weave elaborate stories of who we are. The key word here: Stories. Some are fact. Some are fiction. And some of these stories are written from our own experiences, but most are from what we pick up on from the lives of others through social media, external opinions, or even our own reflections in the mirror.
Our brains keep us focused on what’s wrong with us or where there is potential for failure in order to protect us. Just like it’s so easy to remember that cringe-worthy real estate video you posted two years ago vs. the other beautiful moments in our lives, we are always more likely to remember the negative experiences over the positive.
So how do we transform the way we see ourselves? For a long time, I believed that the solution to combating negative thoughts was to simply overpower them with louder, more positive thoughts.
Like when that voice said, “Lindsey, you can’t speak at that event! You get so anxious, what if you stutter or sound like an idiot?” I would just scream back something positive in my head. And although this might provide temporary relief, it’s not the most effective approach in the long run.
Now, let’s get into those strategies.
#1—BREAK FREE FROM THE FEEDBACK LOOP
Many times when we lack confidence, it’s because we’re thinking only about what has happened in the past. This can be detrimental to our ability to grow confidence. We stay on a feedback loop where our brains tell us “what will happen” without us ever imagining a different outcome.
Consider the aftermath of a relationship that has ended. The pain of heartbreak has a way of saying: “I never want to feel this way ever again, so I can’t get anywhere near it.” While this thought is trying to protect us from future hurt, it is actually holding us back from embracing really wonderful things. If we’re not intentional about the stories we believe about ourselves, we can unintentionally weave the past into our present field of vision distorting our reality.
When confronted with negative thoughts, it is crucial to say: “The story I’m telling myself is…”
Because that’s what it is. A story! This simple phrase breaks the feedback loop and serves as a powerful reminder that our negative thoughts are just stories we create in our minds. It helps us detach from those thoughts and recognize them as separate from our true reality.
SELF-REFLECT TO BOOST CONFIDENCE
Jenna Kutcher provides a list of questions you can ask yourself these questions whenever you’re feeling a lack of confidence:
- What do I know to be true about me or this situation?
- What am I feeling?
- Can I identify where these feelings are coming from?
- What is the story I am telling myself?
- If I had zero fear, what would my ideal situation be?
- If someone I loved was feeling this way, what would I tell them to do?
We all have confidence issues. Maybe we believe we’re unwanted, inadequate, or boring. So, what strategies can we use to overcome our fears and cultivate confidence when these thoughts creep in?
#2—CONFRONTING FEAR: A LETTER OF EMPOWERMENT
Take a moment to write a letter to your fear. This is an exercise that Elizabeth Gilbert recommends, but if journaling isn’t your thing, feel free to speak to your fear out loud.
Acknowledge your fear as a companion. This is important because most of our fears are our companions in our minds. It is important to recognize that fear itself is not inherently negative. It serves a purpose by keeping us safe and protected.
However, to prevent fear from controlling our lives and limiting the opportunities we pursue, we must learn to manage and keep it at bay. Expressing gratitude to fear for its protective role is important, but it’s equally crucial to communicate our intention to move forward with boldness and embrace new experiences.
A letter to fear might take the following form:
Dear Fear,
Thank you for showing up as I’m about to speak in front of a crowd. It is very natural for you to want to show your face during this season. I know you are just trying to protect me as I embark on something new and scary. I know that you are just looking out for me but I have to move forward in spite of you in order to honor what I believe to be something that will encourage growth in me as an individual. I respect you fear, but know that you need to let me go.
Love always,
Lindsey jo
Is this silly? Maybe. But by naming your fear and exploring its underlying causes, you can facilitate its release and gain the confidence to move forward.
#3—TRANSFORM YOUR INNER NARRATIVE
Pay close attention to your self-talk. A significant portion of our confidence stems not from external validation or others’ opinions, but from how we perceive and speak about ourselves.
Pretend that you’re a spectator on the side of a busy road and your thoughts are the cars that are driving by. You don’t want to try to stop them or halt them, just know that you are a spectator of your thoughts, and just notice them. Shifting your narrative relies on you paying attention to your thoughts.
IT’S YOUR SECOND THOUGHT THAT COUNTS
Know that you can’t control your first thought, but you can control your second.
For example, if your first thought is: “I could never win that listing, there’s no way they would hire me as their agent.”
Your second thought could be: “I have to choose myself and believe that I am uniquely qualified as the listing agent because I have a lot to offer.”
Building confidence requires a conscious effort to reshape our internal narratives.
First, we must become aware of the stories we already tell ourselves and recognize their influence on our lives. By understanding the role these stories play, we can actively work to rewrite them in a more empowering and positive manner. Secondly, addressing our fears through a heartfelt letter allows us to express gratitude for fear’s intent to protect us while acknowledging that it no longer serves our growth. Finally, it is essential to pay attention to our initial thoughts and swiftly respond with a second thought that counteracts any self-doubt or negativity.
Through these steps, we can transform our self-perception and cultivate a confident mindset that propels us toward personal success and fulfillment.
