There are seven things agents do in conversations that tell clients you’re not confident, you’re not in control, and you’re not the agent they should hire.
The worst part is you have no idea you’re doing them.
These aren’t big, obvious mistakes. You’re not showing up late or forgetting their name. These are tiny, invisible behaviors that leak out of your tone, your body language, and the space between your sentences. The client picks up on every one of them.
And the second they do, you’ve lost before you ever got to your pitch, before you ever get to your offer.
I’ve role-played with over 2,400 agents inside BAMx and on my team every single week. I can spot these behaviors in the first 60 seconds of a conversation.
And I guarantee you’re doing at least three of these right now.
Mistake #1: You Ask a Question and Then Answer It Yourself
You ask a question. Maybe it’s “What’s driving your timeline?” or “Are you comfortable moving forward?”
And then, before they can answer, you keep talking.
You rephrase it. You soften it. You offer other options. You just asked the most important question in the conversation and you answered it for them. You interrupted them.
Silence is where decisions happen. It’s where you hold the power as the educator.
When you ask a strong question and shut up, the other person has to think. They need time to process. That tension is what moves people to action.
The second you fill that space, you remove the tension. You let them off the hook. You create a clunkiness to the conversation, and you signal that you weren’t confident in the question you just asked.
And it gets them thinking, “This person doesn’t know exactly what they’re talking about here.”
So, here’s the rule: Ask the question. Close your mouth.
Whatever comes out is the truth. The real objection. What they’re fearful of, what’s keeping them up at night on this decision. The real hesitation.
If you talk first, you never hear it.
Here’s what this sounds like. You start out with this:
“Let’s get together this week. Does Tuesday at 5 or Wednesday at 3 work better for you?”
Then you stop. Most agents can’t handle the silence, particularly on the phone, so they jump in:
“…Or we could do next week or we could do some other time. What works better for you? Or I could send you this or whatever is easiest.”
You just took a two option close, which is the perfect question to ask, and turned it into an escape plan.
Tuesday at 5 or Wednesday at 3. Then silence. Let them choose. Let them calibrate in their mind which is actually better for their schedule.
Mistake #2: You Talk Faster When the Conversation Gets Uncomfortable
This is where the conversation gets uncomfortable. Money comes up. There’s pushback, objections, and your pace speeds up.
More words.
More justification.
More defense.
You’re trying to outrun the discomfort, but ramping up your speed communicates tension. The faster you talk, the more attached you sound to the outcome.
Think about people you trust: doctors, attorneys, financial advisers. When things get serious, they slow down. When you speed up, the client hears, “This person needs this deal more than I do. They’re trying to rush through it,” and the power shifts.
Instead of speeding up, slow down by 20%. Not dramatically, just enough so each sentence lands. And replace one statement with one question.
Instead of listing reasons, ask,
“What would make you feel confident you’re getting the best representation?”
One calm question beats five rushed sentences every time.
Mistake #3: You Flinch When Money Comes Up
Here’s another mistake I see when the client brings up money. They say another agent will do it for less. They say, “That feels expensive.”
And your body reacts before your brain does. Your eyes shift. You lean back. Your jaw tightens.
It lasts half a second, but they see it. That flinch tells them you’re uncomfortable. And if you’re uncomfortable with your pricing and this conversation, why should they be comfortable paying it?
You can’t suppress the flinch. But you can replace it. Lean in instead of back. Ask a question instead of defending. They say another agent will do it for x%? Here’s how you respond:
“Tell me about that. What did their full plan include?”
Now, instead of defending, you’re exploring. And most of the time, they talk themselves out of the comparison.
Mistake #4: You Ask for Approval With Your Tone
Number four, you make a recommendation and then say something like:
- “Does that make sense?”
- “You know what I mean? Right?”
The problem isn’t the words. It’s the tone. Most agents say it with a rising uncertain tone, a high pitch in their voice, like they’re asking for permission to be believed. That sounds like a plea for validation.
Instead, speak with certainty and invite an input.
“My recommendation is 425,000. What are your thoughts on that?”
Same idea, completely different energy. One invites doubt. The other invites dialogue.
Mistake #5: You Open Calls With “Just Checking In”
Another mistake is opening calls with, “Hey, just checking in.”
That sentence is why your leads don’t call you back. They left your text messages on read. It tells them you have nothing new to say. You need something. And you’re just like every other agent.
Replace it with a fact.
“Three homes just hit your neighborhood this week. Two are under what we talked about. Did you happen to see them?”
Or this:
“Rates dropped this morning. Your buying power just increased. Did your lender call you on this?”
Specific fact, direct relevance. Open question. Now they can engage. You can find out where they’re at in the process from where they were before.
Delete “Just checking in” permanently.
Mistake #6: You Go Into Defense Mode When Clients Push Back
Say your client pushes back:
- “I think we should price it higher.”
- “We need to think about it.”
And you go into defense mode. More data, more comps, more reasons.
But here’s what’s happening in their mind. They’re not evaluating your point anymore. They’re feeling that friction and they’re starting to build resistance to it. Every extra sentence gives them something to push against.
Instead, get curious.
Client: “I think we should price it higher.”
Pause.
You: “Help me understand what makes you feel like a higher price is the right move.”
Now you get the real reason and you can actually address it.
Write this down:
“When they push back, ask one question before I say anything else.”
Mistake #7: You Make It Easy to Say No
You’ve had a great conversation. It’s time to ask for the next step. And you say,
“Would you like to meet? We could do it this week. We could do it next week. Or I could come to you. We could just talk on the phone.”
You gave them four ways to say no. Every extra option signals you expect rejection. You sound needy and desperate.
Instead, use a clean alternative close.
“I’d love to walk through this with you. Does Tuesday at 5 or Thursday at 3 work better for you?”
Two options, both forward, then stop talking. Let the silence do the work.
Every One of These Mistakes Comes From the Same Place
Those are the seven behaviors.
- Filling silence after a question.
- Talking faster under pressure.
- Flinching when money comes up.
- Seeking approval with your tone.
- Opening calls with nothing to say.
- Overexplaining when somebody pushes back.
- Giving exits instead of asking for commitment.
Every one of them comes from the same place. You’re attached to the outcome instead of curious about the person and their outcome.
Detach from your outcome. Get curious about them. That one shift fixes all seven mistakes.
If you caught yourself in any of these, and if you want to fix them with live practice and real-time rebuilding of your conversations, BAMx is where we do it every week in our Roleplay Masterminds.
Sign up for a 7-day free trial at the Premium or VIP level to get access. You can jump in right from the BAMx Calendar next Tuesday at 9:00 am Eastern Time.
