Sellers decide who they trust before they ever compare marketing plans or compensation rates.
Tom Toole shared a number at last year’s BAM Camp that backs this up: 65% of sellers pick their agent because of a personal connection.
That connection is rarely built through one big moment. It develops through small behaviors across every call, appointment and follow-up: the confidence in your voice, whether you leave room for someone to speak, how quickly you respond and even how you talk about people who aren’t in the room.
No seller chooses an agent because they maintained good eye contact or avoided saying “just checking in.” But those details add up to a feeling: I trust this person. Or, I don’t.
Here are nine subtle behaviors that shape that decision, often before a seller even realizes they’re making it.
Tone And Energy Sellers Feel Without Seeing You
The first three behaviors work through a channel a seller never sees at all: the phone.
#1. Tonality
A call strips away everything except voice, so tone carries more weight than the words themselves. A warm, confident tone changes how a seller reads an update, even when the news itself is routine.
Tom Toole recommends mirroring a seller’s pace and delivery. Slow down for someone who talks slow and careful. Match the energy of someone who talks fast and high energy.
Matching someone’s delivery like this creates a bond without either person noticing it happen.
Byron Lazine points to a related problem: agents who ask for approval with their voice instead of saying what they mean. A rising pitch at the end of a sentence sounds like a question, even when it isn’t one, and it signals doubt even when the advice underneath it is solid.
He also points out that agents tend to speed up the moment money comes up in a conversation. Slowing down instead signals the kind of calm control people associate with a doctor or a lawyer delivering serious news.
Tom Toole puts it this way:
“Perception is reality. How people perceive you is going to determine if they decide they want to work with you or not.”
#2. Energy
Energy is a choice, not something that happens on its own once an agent picks up the phone. An agent can make that decision before the call even starts by:
- Standing taller
- Moving with intention
- Bringing enthusiasm
From the other direction, negative energy still comes through a seller’s phone through tone and delivery, even when nobody’s watching.
Standing up during a call is one of the easiest ways to make this change. Standing up improves tonality and gives an agent more command over the conversation, something most agents never try.
Conversational Cues
The next three behaviors happen in a live conversation, whether a seller notices them or not.
#3. The Power Of The Pause
Filling the silence after a question takes away the pressure that gets a seller to give an honest answer. However, silence is where the seller does the real thinking, not the agent.
Rapid-fire talking makes people nervous. A client absorbs a point better once an agent finishes a thought, smiles, and stops talking.
Tom summed up why this works:
“Whoever asks the most questions controls the conversation.”
#4. Body Language
Body language sends signals a seller picks up without naming them. Here are a few specific habits agents can build on purpose:
- Eye contact: looking someone between the eyes signals attention, while wandering eyes or a glance at a phone or tablet signals the opposite
- Posture: leaning in a little with forearms on a table shows engagement, while slumping or leaning too far back undercuts it
- Hands: fidgeting, twisting hair, cracking knuckles, checking a phone, reads as nervous or bored energy even when an agent feels neither
#5. Smiling
A genuine smile changes vocal tone, which means it registers even when a seller can’t see an agent’s face at all.
We’re listing this separately from other body language cues because it impacts a seller’s perception of you even when they can’t see it. Smiling while talking to someone on the phone changes the way you sound. And people can often sense whether the smile is genuine or not.
Tom Toole calls it the simplest tool an agent has. Listening with your whole face, not just your ears, makes someone easier to approach, even in a tense negotiation.
Staying Responsive
The next two behaviors are about staying in touch, both right away and over time.
#6. Responsiveness And Follow-Through
Both Tom and Byron single out the same phrase as a trust killer: “Just checking in.” Tom calls it the laziest follow-up an agent can send. It tells a client the agent has nothing new to say.
Byron makes almost the same point: this phrase is often why a lead stops answering, since it reads as an agent reaching out with nothing to offer.
And while the average agent follows up two or three times, data shows close to 80% of sales happen after five or more attempts.
#7. Transparency, Keeping Sellers In The Loop
Sharing what’s being done for a seller before they have to ask builds trust fast. Plus, sellers today are more likely to expect transparency on the home selling process.
Consumers in general have learned to expect it in other industries (e.g., tracking deliveries), so it only makes sense to prioritize that in the agent-client relationship.
A few examples:
- Showings scheduled
- Neighbors talked to (before or after an open house)
- Neighborhood doors knocked (to get the word out, etc.)
- Effective marketing pushed out
- Feedback gathered after a walkthrough
Sellers who don’t hear updates tend to assume nothing is happening on their listing, even when an agent is working hard behind the scenes.
This is where a tool like Rayse comes in, providing transparency for your clients on everything you’re doing on their behalf, so they never have to wonder what they’re compensating you for.
Respect And Professional Word Choice
#8. Speaking Respectfully About People Not In The Room
Trash-talking a competitor (or a previous client) gives a seller a reason to wonder how an agent talks about them once they’re not around.
Shannon Gillette called out the trash-talking in a recent collab reel:
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Choosing to speak either positively or neutrally about others is a small habit but it signals character in a way market knowledge or negotiation skill never will.
#9. Professional Address, Skipping The Nicknames
Troy Palmquist has made the case against calling a client or colleague “Bro,” “Sis,” “Bruh,” or “Girlfriend,” before a relationship earns it.
Imposing familiarity on someone you’ve just met tends to backfire. In most cases, people will feel at least slightly annoyed at your presumption (I know I would). Plus, it feels unprofessional.
It’s a bit like someone trying to sound hip or cool in a way that feels forced or manipulative.
Palmquist’s suggested fix: follow the client’s own lead. If someone introduces themselves as Bob, that’s the name they want used, on the phone or in person.
Why These Behaviors Compound Over Time
These behaviors work because an agent repeats them on every call and every appointment, not just the ones that feel important.
Tom Toole summed up the whole idea in one line:
“How you do anything is how you do everything.”
Pick one behavior from this list and work on it this week, instead of trying to fix all nine at once. Sellers will notice the difference before they can explain why.
