If you don’t believe in yourself, who’s going to believe in you? 

Now, confidence isn’t some superhuman trait. It isn’t something that’s born on luck or a birthright or a god-given skill. This is something that every single person out there can develop over time. 

So today I’m sharing tips for building unstoppable confidence

#1—Determine What Gives You Confidence

Start by thinking about the things that give you self-confidence in the first place. I know what works for me, but this is going to be a bit different for everyone. 

For me, showing up and looking the part is critical. When I am suited up and ready to go, I know I look like the exact right person to do the job at hand.

In addition, committing to health and vitality has helped me feel more confident. Look good, feel good, right? That’s what I hear a lot on those Peloton rides that I take, and it has made a big difference in how I show up. 

Take some time to think about the things that are going to actually give you confidence in the first place—and then take action on those things. 

#2—Avoid Things that Drain you

Along with leaning into the routines and habits that make you feel good, you also need to avoid the things that drain you.  

Someone who has a bad attitude or is a negative Nancy is something that really drains me. Someone that always thinks about the worst-case scenario or they only focus on problems and not solutions—that does not work for me. That does not help my confidence. Even staying up late and not eating right can drain self-confidence, so I avoid doing those things. 

In general, I look to avoid those energy-sucking vampires. What drains you? And how can you work to eliminate those things from your life?

#3—Take Purposeful Action

Now, here’s the thing. We’re looking at what builds confidence and what doesn’t build it. From there, self-confidence comes down to purposeful thinking and purposeful action. 

When I say purposeful thinking, I mean, What do I have to get done today? What’s my game plan? What are my intentions?’

A lot of people wake up and have no intention of what they want to get done for the day, so they’re just going to go through the motions. That’s not going to build confidence. When you know exactly what you need to do to get the result that you want, that’s when you are being intentional and purposeful. 

Taking action on those objectives and key performance indicators (KPIs) will help you build that self-confidence. 

#4—Competence, Congruence, Connecting

Lastly, confidence comes down to three things: competence, congruence, and connecting.


Competence is knowing what you’re doing. And more than that, it’s knowing that you know what you’re doing. When you know you’ve got things under control, it will go a long way in building that self-confidence. 

How do you gain competence? Through studying, role-playing, practicing, and committing to getting better every day. 


Congruence can also be substituted for integrity. Think about the person that you want to be and start taking action and doing things that are in line with that person. 

Think about who that person is. Who is that very best version of yourself that you’re trying to develop? And are you following through on the things that need to happen to develop that person? 

I’m a work in progress. Most people are. And living in congruence means I’m taking action to follow through on my goals.  


You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.

Dale Carnegie

How to Win Friends and Influence People

When you connect with people, and you actually take a genuine interest in who they are and what they’re doing, and you ask questions about them, you’ll start building connections over time. And what ends up happening is, all of a sudden you have more confidence. People will have more confidence in you. They like you, and they want to be around you because you’re taking an interest in who they are and what they’re doing.

When you take those three principles—competence, congruence, and connecting—and apply them, you’re going to develop the self-confidence you need to accomplish whatever big, scary, awesome goal that you have.