Let’s dive into an issue that is often overlooked in the world of real estate: Shame. 

Shame is a feeling that we all experience, yet it’s a topic that we often shy away from discussing.

We’ve all been there, scrolling through Instagram and seeing a colleague who’s closed another million-dollar deal, won another award, or gone viral with their content. And we can’t help but feel like we’re failing, inadequate, and not measuring up.

We sit there and wonder, “Why the hell can’t I get it together? All I see around me are Realtors winning, why do I feel like such a loser?” 

Shame and Comparison

Know that whatever shame you feel is normal. For some reason, we feel the need to constantly have it all together. This is ingrained in our real estate DNA from the moment we get licensed.  

When someone asks how the market is, we’re quick to scream, “AMAZING!”or “I’M SO BUSY I BARELY HAVE TIME TO EAT!” We’re constantly showcasing that we’re grinding, up at 4 am drinking green juice, at the gym, or sitting in ice baths. (And you know how I feel about the ice baths. Make it stop.)

Now I’m not saying you should start screaming from the rooftops that this market is tough, but my point is, what you see online is not reality. As Matt Lionetti has said, “Everyone’s Instagram bio says ‘top producer.’ How is it that everyone is number one in their marketplace?”

Think about that for a second. How is it humanly possible for EVERYONE to be number one? It’s not. This brings me to my next point. We ALL struggle behind closed doors.

The Realtor Trap

Coming off an amazing 2020 and 2021, 2022 left me feeling like a complete and utter failure. I had set a goal and missed it by one transaction. ONE. This left me spinning into an emotional abyss and landing face-first into what I like to call “the Realtor trap.”

The Realtor trap can feel isolating and scary. It’s like the scene from the movie “The Parent Trap” where the evil stepmom wakes up on an air mattress screaming in the middle of the lake without a soul in sight. (Terrifying, I know.)

If you’re in the Realtor trap, keep reading. Here’s how you can get out of it and eliminate it for good.

Have an Activity Mindset

While I was in the Realtor trap, I made a critical mistake when setting my 2022 goals. I was too focused on the goal instead of having an activity mindset. Let me explain.  

The entire year, I was fixated on a number. When the end of the year came around, and I didn’t hit that number, I felt like a failure. Everything crumbled because I didn’t hit that goal. What I should have done was focus on my activities. The activities we do daily lead us to results, right? 

If you have a goal of closing five expired listings a month, but you never pick up the phone to cold call, how are you going to hit that goal? Your activities are what you control. They are small, measurable, and attainable actions that pave the way to make your goal possible.

So, here’s a simple way to start. Pick two adjectives that you want your future self to embody. For me, those adjectives are “discipline” and “perseverance.” Then, think about the kind of activities a disciplined person does daily. Starting to make sense? Focus on the activities, and the results will come.

Lastly, know that your success is not wrapped up in a number of friends. Your worth is not defined by the number of homes you sell. We have to stop equating success solely with our volume of transactions. Your character, work ethic, and the impact you make in the lives of others are far more important. Don’t let anyone make you feel inferior, and remember to celebrate your successes—big and small.