An agent asks a friend or client for a referral. The answer sounds friendly enough:
“I’ll keep you in mind.”
According to Neel Dhingra, those words are a nicer way of saying no.
In a recent Instagram Reel, Dhingra explained why people fall back on that answer and how a different kind of ask can help a contact think of someone to send an agent’s way.
As he explains it, the problem starts with the question.
Once you see what the usual generic ask puts on the other person, you can build a referral script around one clear picture of the client you want to help.
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Why “I’ll Keep You in Mind” Means No
Dhingra points to the question most entrepreneurs and salespeople ask:
“Hey, do you know anybody who could use my help?”
He walked through what that question asks of the person on the other end and what the brush-off tells you about them.
“So, now you’ve asked them to go through all the contacts in their brain, remember what you do, and then try and connect the dots for you. Nobody’s going to do all that, so then they just tell you, ‘Yeah, I’ll keep you in mind.’
“This does not mean that they don’t know anybody who could use your help. This means that they can’t picture them right this moment.”
The “Picture a Person” Method
Dhingra’s fix is to describe the person you can help. He calls it “picture a person,” and it gives the contact one clear image to match against the people they know.
He used a personal trainer example to show the idea works outside real estate. The two versions of the ask look like this:
- Generic ask: “Hey, do you know anybody who wants to get in shape?”
- Specific ask: “Yo, do you know any dads over 40 who are always saying they need to get back in shape?”
Dhingra explained what happens once the contact hears the specific version.
“Now, they’re picturing the person that needs your help. This is what I call ‘picture a person.’ Don’t make people scan their entire network for you. Describe one person so clearly that it pops up in their head.”
How Agents Can Put This Strategy to Work
Your turn. Imagine you just bought a home with the help of a real estate agent, and at some point, they ask you this:
“Hey, do you know anybody who wants to buy a house?”
And before you know it, your brain is reaching for an easy phrase that promises nothing yet almost guarantees a friendly parting:
“Yeah, uh… Can’t think of anyone right now, but I’ll keep you in mind.”
Whether your agent knows it or not, you’ve just dealt what is, essentially, a polite brush-off.
Using “picture a person,” Dhingra gave this example of what you can say instead:
“Do you know any families who have outgrown their current house and want to upgrade but they have a current home to sell? Those are the people I can help the most right now.”
Try modeling your own referral ask on the pieces in Dhingra’s example:
- A specific type of person, like families
- The situation they’re in, like outgrowing their current house
- What they want and what stands in their way, like an upgrade with a home to sell first
- A line naming them as the people the agent can help right now
Dhingra’s caption on the reel sums up the goal: Make it easy for them to refer you.”
He closed the video with a line agents can carry into their next referral conversation.
“Just remember, if they can picture the person, that means they can refer the person.”
The next time you ask for a referral, one clear description of the client you want to help can give your contact a name to send over.
