The Dark Lord is making moves in Middle Earth. Sources confirmed Thursday that Sauron has officially listed his legendary Mt. Doom estate, citing a desire to “downsize” and “step away from the spotlight.” The Eye of Evil also wants to “finally explore Rivendell’s music scene.”
The fiery fortress, carved directly into the side of an active volcano, is being pitched as the ultimate luxury stronghold for buyers who value privacy, intimidation, and the desire to end mankind.
The listing highlights include:
- Smart Eye Ring surveillance system with 24/7 gaze functionality
- 360-degree panoramic views of scorched wasteland
- A flowing lava moat
- Open-concept throne room with towering ceilings perfect for hovering your hand over a Seeing Stone
- A stone’s throw from Gondor (via siege tower)
- “Walking distance” from Barad-dûr (depending on species)
“It’s secure, it’s dramatic, it screams do not disturb,” said Saruman the Agent of Black Gate Realty. He also said, “The old world will burn in the fires of industry. Forests will fall. A new order will rise. We will drive the machine of war with the sword and the spear and the iron fist of the orc.”
Sauron, whose name is uncomfortably close to that of his agent Saruman, has occupied the space since the Second Age. He says he’s looking for someone “evil, but tasteful” to carry on the legacy. “It’s more than just a volcano,” he noted. “It’s a place to decapitate hobbits and create an orderly, subservient world.”
The Asking Price is starting at The One Ring.
